From the recording Slipper & Slim & the New Home Cookin' Band
Jesus Charlie and Good God Lucy were in a frantic religious heat.
Jumpin' up and down on their bibles and washing the ink off their feet.
When Hairy Harry and Bouncing' Betty came runnin' naked down the street.
Lucy was amazed at this passion' craze but Charlie was afraid to peak.
He cried: "Oh Lord, where's my sword? I've gotta convert these pagan sheep"
Then he put his bullhorn next to his ear
And waited for the Lord to speak...
The Lord replied to Charlie's cries in a voice so eternally deep;
He said: "You're all fired and I'm so tired of hearing that I'm asleep...
And Don't forget to lock up the street."
Goodness, goodness, where have you been hiding?
You're gettin' lazy the world's gettin' crazy; my morality is sliding.
(Slide on morality-musical highlight)
The lobster potter counts his fingers
Then he shakes his stick at the siren singers
And dials a ship-to-shore prayer for two dead ringers
For a whole boatload of glad-tiding bringers.
And the slick vicar, the man of the cloth who swears he never takes it off
Scratches his head and sharpens his cross
So the whole trip won't be a total loss.
He tapes his mouth to the telephone line
And makes the night look like bright sunshine
And turpentine smell like burgundy wine...
Precious venom from Gethsemane's vines
Oh, take us back there sorrow is rewarding
And the fit of starvation feels like gorging
And the blood red nails drive out the suffering
While the only smell of life is smothering
And we'll all look forward to living
Like a turkey looks forward to Thanksgiving.
For the sake of moral success;
I need you like the cold grey fence within which everything makes sense.
The minister of justice double-parks his ark
In front of the world-heavy-shoulder store
Then he drops his anchor by the water cooler
And sets the burglar alarm on his oar.
He lets out his lines and blames all his crimes
On Infinity's faithful servant whore
Who comes with the dawn and yawns toward Babylon,
Eyes rising to the fervent storm.
Freely she bows to the forest royalty 'cause she's seen all this before;
Stirrin' the leaves, consoling the trees, she waits for another down-pour.
And nothin' you do is gonna get you through
Your concrete ceiling and cast iron door
As your deathbed wheels carve out your shadow,
Scuffing up the killing floor.
Don't let it hit your town. And if it comes through, whatever you do
Don't try to follow it down.
Your divine wine hypnotizes the cows
So stop making' waves in the water-trough
They're dishing out glasses of Never now
And parading around in your dressing gowns
As the sinner repents in a low key holler
And loses himself in your investment parlor.
His voice reflects his pain colored collar.
You put him on his knees for a dollar.
Now he's lying' on a lumpy mattress
'Bout a block down the road from madness
All covered with abstract nobleness
And you say it's my arrogance!
Your coat tails said they had something to prove
And your head was loose but you couldn't move
'Cause the thread refused to unbutton you
Oh, and it all came so sudden too.
Well, you shouldn't let people make fun of you.
All I know is not enough If all I see is nothing;
and all I feel is Nothing less than gone.